Making people think you understand them.

I said that it doesn’t matter what you say here… but this post is if you want to stand out from the crowd a little bit to get into something more meaningful than a FWB situation. You can let a girl feel comfortable around you but that may not mean she feel like you know her. What is the use of her thinking you know her? Well, it means that when you finally say ‘I like you’, she knows that you have reason to have that opinion and you are not just manipulating her. Another bonus is that it gives off the impression you have standards that go beyond her looks.

You are on date number three. You said that your A-levels were really hard but you somehow managed to pass them even though you thought you were going to fail because you didn’t do that great at GCSE’s  and… she has already started to text her friends that there is something missing that she can’t quite put her finger on. That thing that is missing is that she feels like you are more of a friend than a best friend. This does not mean you cannot get into a relationship with her, but it means that if a guy that is ‘best friend material’ comes along, you are in potentially deep poo.

The secret to ‘getting to know’ someone on that deep level is all about asking the right questions to get to the root of their opinions, beliefs, morals and values. This is, in my opinion, what truly makes people different and gives them a personal identity. It is quite a quick fix. Instead of asking stuff like ‘how are you feeling?’ or’what did you do today?’ or ‘what music do you like?’, dig a little deeper. Ask ‘why do you feel this way?’ or ‘why do you like/dislike this?’. Now be wary that not everyone is willing to air this stuff out. You must try to make sure they are comfortable telling you these things. The secret is to tell them, sincerely, that you are not going to judge them in any way. Also when you are opening up about your views and opinions etc (which is what makes people think they know you), make sure you mention that you do not mean to offend them in any way. Now that you have both opened up to each other, you are on your merry way to being best friends (so long as your opinions, views, morals and beliefs were fairly similar).

Getting to know people on a personal level helps you gain a better understanding of how people think since they will likely tell you their secrets which you can learn from.. Gaining a better understanding of how people think will help you with relationships, friendships and your work life. This knowledge should be enough motivation to meet people and socialise. If you think you have a very good imagination, you may feel like there is no need to see life from another’s perspective. This is effectively being close minded and it never hurts to just consider what people have to say, as it may help you out in ways you would have never have thought of before.

Your everyday friends that are in your life all the time, without your consent, are the ones that will be in the majority. They are people that you will not really ‘gel’ or ‘click’ with 100%. It is very easy to be on friendly terms with most people in life. Simple be nice (don’t be aggressive, mean or judgmental etc) and people will happily be in your company. It would take an incredible amount of effort to keep in contact with people that you meet at a random club. It is only really time efficient and worth it, if this random person that you meet happens to be best friend material. Your long term partner should ideally also be your best friend and is likely to not be met in your everyday life.

Once you have a best friend, and they are in your life a significant amount, you will probably not feel the need to find another, and your motivation to get to know other people on a deep level may diminish. People may call you introverted and boring but honestly, it doesn’t matter so long as you are happy.

Merry Christmas x

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