More psychopathic advice…
The emotion that is mostly useless is fear. Not completely useless because it would help in a real situation of danger, giving you the fight or flight response. It is mostly useless because it seems to have an effect on us in far too many circumstances that do not present any real danger. Prime example… Socialising.
When you are presented with unknown territory, the safest thing for your brain to do is assume the worst. The key here is that it is just an assumption. You are imagining something bad is going to happen if you commit a certain action. Let’s say you are on a diving board. The reason why you are fearful and have not jumped off it yet is because you are flooding your brain with thoughts of you slipping and injuring yourself or hitting the bottom and cracking your head.
When it comes to girls, you are assuming that when you go say hi, she is going to reject you or her boyfriend is going to come and beat you up or something like that. People in the self help industry will tell you that to combat your fears, you should always think positively. I think this is a bad idea. If you follow this advice, you end up deluding yourself and people will start to think you are deluded if you just assume everything is going to go your way all the time. It should be obvious why a girl does not see much potential in a guy that comes across as deluded. The reason is that when you are deluded like that, you end up completely ignoring signs that mean things are not going to go your way. This would be an annoying trait for a partner to have in a long term relationship because it shows a lack of empathy.
The solution is simple. Don’t have negative assumptions, and don’t have positive assumptions. You cannot read the future, so just go and say hello to her and if things go badly, then that’s when you should start to think about how to handle it, not before you have even introduced yourself. This is actually a piece of advice that the world’s most hated man said that is actually quite good advice. “Calibrate after the fact, you can’t calibrate before, so stop trying”.
Until next time x