What not to do in a club.

I like making listy things. Its so easy and concise to get information across. Also, I am not a dick, I am not gonna make you click page after page to see each point. Well, I am a dick but I am too lazy to set that up anyway. Lel.

  1. Don’t just stand there in the corner sipping on your Budweiser. That is meant for when you are divorced. Go dance or go talk to people in the smoking area.
  2. Don’t get into a fight, avoid violence at all costs. You are risking your health  and you can get banned from that club, it isn’t worth it. Actually, take any opportunity to beat up those cheeky nando’s chavs. Just kidding. Not kidding. I am kidding.
  3. Don’t get too drunk. It makes you look a complete mess. Also, the more sober you are, the more you can remember your interactions to analyse them later. Also, you don’t want to depend on a drug to socialise.
  4. Don’t pinch girl’s arses, you creep. Seriously, f*ck you if you do this. What makes you think that that is the best thing to do? Ooooohh yeeaaaahhh, look at dat asss. Hmmm, maybe if I give it a quick grope, she will love me forever. That’s not what happens in your head though is it… In your head, you are thinking ‘ooh, nobody is going to notice and this is the most action I am gonna get this week!’. Cheeky c*** you are, aren’t ya.
  5. Don’t start a mosh pit on the dance floor, it is really inconsiderate. Keep that poo for metal festivals.
  6. Don’t pose around, It does nothing. It doesn’t make you look any better. Look at me, look at me, I am so beautiful. Go find a mirror and start fapping if you love your looks that much, this behaviour is not needed in a club. Yes, I am bitter. But seriously, a lot of girls sigh and roll their eyes when they see a guy parading around with an instagrammy pout on their face.
  7. Don’t spill your drinks everywhere. The ground is so sticky and gross. I promise, if you keep the floors clean, it makes girls wet for you. Trust me *wink wink*
  8. I don’t know how this happens, but there is always so much glass on the floor. Can you please be a considerate human being and put your glass on a table or something. Stop being a yob. [Yeah, these last two are mainly for me but… it’s the least you can do. I give you all this free info, it’s a fair trade.]
  9. Don’t just start griding on girls from behind, crossing your fingers. This is the number one creepy things guys do.

Nine is a random number to end on… sue me x

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