The quick internet dating profile fix.

I think internet dating is great (including Tinder). But so many of you donkeys are completely clueless. This is gon’ be a bullet point guide because there is too much to write a full thing about it and I am being a lazy c***. Here we go:

  1. Get rid of your tryhard topless photos.
  2. Get rid of your tryhard photos trying to show how you have lots of female friends.
  3. Get rid of your tryhard essay in your bio and make it more concise and to the point.
  4. Get rid of your ‘look how much of a wreck I am’ photos because that doesn’t come across as being cool and banterous. It comes across as being a wreck, duh.
  5. Get rid of your Netto’s budget webcam quality photos and invest in a decent camera to take photos that don’t give out the impression that your date with her will be at Burger King using  a bus ticket voucher.
  6. Get rid of your lonely-soul selfies that show you have no friends to take your photos.
  7. Get rid of your photos showing how much of a try hard poser you are. Stop trying to look cool. If you want to know how that comes across, Google image ‘Jaden Smith’ and see for yourself. Replace it with a photo of you smiling or a photo of you being more ‘natural’ as if you didn’t care at all that someone was taking a photo of you.
  8. Get rid of your super sleazy sentences in your bios. Women can get laid whenever, why not offer them something of more value like a good sense of humour?
  9. Get rid of your emo cries for help saying you are sad and lonely and just want a cuddle. That is just going to make a girl think you will be needy as f*** in a relationship and she is not going to feel sorry for you, that is your mum’s job.
  10. Get rid of your bitter rants about not getting any action because you are too short or too ugly. Nobody likes someone with a chip on their shoulder.
  11. Get rid of the super imaginative  opening line ‘Hi’ or ‘Hey’ (this is specific to online chat btw, this doesn’t apply to real life). That is all she is asking for.  Stop being so boring and unoriginal. Just be a little bit different, it doesn’t have to be crazy, just be different. E.g. Do you like soup, what is your favourite flavour? Yes… that is a better way to start a conversation online… better than ‘hi’ anyway…
  12. Get rid of all those 12 year old boy emoji’s after every sentence. Only use them if you really have to… like when it is not obvious when you are joking about something. Constant ;)’s and :p’s make you seem child-like or like a sexual predator trying to come across as innocent.
  13. Get rid of all those copy-and-paste lines you memorised from PUA books/websites. Lots of men use them and good luck explaining yourself when she asks you why other guys have asked her the exact same thing.
  14. Get rid of your magic technique of hiding your body in photos because you are packing some extra pounds. Embrace being a fatty. Don’t hide yourself because it makes you seem insecure and if she doesn’t see your rolls and then you meet up, congratulations, you are now a catfish.
  15. Get rid of your try hard essays you write as the first thing you say. You are investing too much into this girl you have never met. This comes off as desperate. Try to stick with one/two sentences. Also, take up a hobby, you have too much time on your hands.
  16. Get rid of your try hard CV style bio. Professionalism in dating screams boring robot. Express yourself, and don’t take this stuff too seriously.
  17. Get rid of your tryhard hand gestures. Girls want to introduce a gentlemen to their parents, not a wannabe gangsta that looks up dating tips on the interwebz.
  18. Do you really feel the need to thread your eyebrows? Not judging or anything…
  19. Get rid of your Year 7 MSN text speak and type words like a normal human being.

Sm3l ya l8r bruv x

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