I’m talking about masculinity. That term gets thrown around a lot. And for the most part, it is sort of a load of poop. In the sense that it is a complete social construction. Being masculine in today’s society is pretty dumb and irrational. It is about having big muscles. It is about being aggressive. It is about playing rugby. It is about watching football. It is about drinking a lot of beer and not drinking the better tasting cocktails. It is about not liking certain light with a certain wavelength (the colour pink). It is about liking action man and not barbie. It is about being scientific and not artsy. It is about not being emotional and being logical instead. It is about being fearless. It is about only expressing deep tones of voice. It is about eating a lot of meat. Men apparently care about looks and women care about personality. Men apparently are protecting and women are nurturing.
All in all. It is sort of a culture with a set of made up rules. Some maybe rules with benefits and some with disadvantages. I am going to clear up what women really are trying to say when they want a masculine man in a way that makes more sense and is not irrational. I have spoken about the subject of potential before. Women who are experienced sexually do not see much potential in a guy that is potentially crap in bed. Sorry if that is a slap in the face. If you are at university, girls, at your age, usually have had sex a few times before. Humans tend to pick up on red flags as they become experienced with other people. What women usually want in most cases, is a guy that will potentially be able to make them orgasm. Don’t get me wrong, this is not the only thing that women want but being bad in bed is something that you can change for the better and so that’s why it is a topic in my blog
What is a big difference between men and women? Genitalia. Men have penises and women have vaginas, you know that, right? It seems logical to think that a man is well equipped in order to be the ‘thrusting force’ and women to be the ‘receiver’. One could interpret this as an insult towards women but it is not a bad thing, it just is what it is. So, since a man is the better thrusting force, this gives some responsibility. To cut things short, in order to not be bad at the basics, you need to be able to ‘let go’ and relax and be comfortable and just express your lust for a girl. Unleash your inner beast, as cringe as that sounds… A girl will feel more stimulated the more lusted after she feels during sex. In order to reach a climax, do not plateau at the same intensity for ages. Ramp it up higher and higher. This is a linear rate, not an exponential one as that would be over too quickly. Slowly just ramp things up. It’s quite simple really.
Side note: Girl’s must be 100% comfortable in order to cum in most circumstances. You can help with this, I will give you tips on how to make a girl feel comfortable throughout my blog.
This is quite hard to explain. In most porn, the sex is not very realistic as I am sure you have heard. You know the orgasms are fake, but I am talking about the mechanical feeling of it. The guy is just going at it in the same way with no variation. This is similar to what I have said in the past about keeping within an equation. There is no depth to it. The guy isn’t really expressing how he feels towards the girl through sex, he is merely just performing the robotic action of sex. There does not feel like there is a lot of chemistry between the porn-stars. Does that make sense? I hope it does.
Another issue guys face is putting pressure on themselves to make sure the girl is having a good time. If you are focusing on this, then you are not focusing mainly on expressing your emotions but you are instead just trying to do her a favour. This is most likely going to end up with you losing your erection because you were being too much of a kind caring soul. This is common for when you have sex with someone new as you want to give off the best impression possible and it is a trap you can fall in again and again as the next girl you date will seem more special and you place more pressure on yourself to perform well. Just take a few deep breathes, clear your mind and try to relax.
A common misconception is that you need to foreplay for ages until you have a chance of physically stimulating her enough to make her orgasm. I’m not saying foreplay is useless, I am just saying it is over hyped. Apparently a lot women haven’t orgasmed and apparently most women only do sometimes. (I think there is a lot of confusion over the difference between clitoral orgasms and so called ‘G-spot’ orgasm. I will cover the G-spot in another post.) I believe that the right guy should make her orgasm most times in bed. Also, with all the sex tips out there, a lot of them say you should use toys and kinky stuff to make a girl cum. I do not believe this is necessary, and if you need this to make a girl cum, then I think that says you are not very good. Just my opinion, don’t hate.
Some points are valid like women want to feel protected and that is fair enough. We are naturally larger than women so I suppose it does make sense to try to keep them safe. It is only fair. Does this mean you should get shredded? Not necessarily. Your muscle definition does not define how strong you are or how good you are in hand to hand combat. It is worth being strong enough to a point where you can pull your own weight around though. A lot of girls do like muscles on a guy (whether it is social conditioning or not), it doesn’t hurt going to the gym but I don’t believe it is completely necessary. Maybe take up some martial arts just in case too. You don’t have to though. What I would say, is that you should not dedicate your life to learning how to fight or becoming a bodybuilder in order to find a woman. There is a certain ’emotional’ protection that makes a woman feel safe which will be covered in a future post about love.
Providing for a women is another thing that is socially constructed. It kinda makes sense though. A women will see you as a potential boyfriend if you can afford to look after yourself and a potential father if you can afford to look after a child as well. Necessary for finding love? Again, not really, but it helps. Men are just seen as the ‘bread winners’ these days and I don’t see that changing any time soon. Maybe this came from the fact that women get pregnant and it was believed they needed to stay at home instead of work. Either way, a girl doesn’t want to have to financially lift her boyfriend up off the floor for the entire relationship.
[Side note: if you do happen to have any ‘feminine’ characteristics (like speaking with a camp accent), a lot of girls will be turned off by this. I don’t want to tell you to change that because it isn’t really fair that you should change something that is just you expressing yourself. However, I am not going to tell you to stay the same either, as I removed my ‘feminine’ characteristics and it did help and I don’t really care about changing that stuff. It’s up to you.]
[Another side note: I know it is tempting, but please do not try to put on a deep voice for the rest of your life, if your focus is on that, you are going to shoot yourself in the foot. Learn to just project your voice so it can be heard clearly. I will make a video on this at some point.]
About men going for looks and women going for personality, I think this is just an experience thing and I will most likely cover this in another post as this is getting very lengthy.
Masculinity. Word. x