What is this confidence and how do I achieve it?!
“Is my back straight enough? Am I loud enough now? Have I done enough ballsy shit to impress this girl yet?”
Look, confidence is seen as like the holy grail in society, so for me to explain this, is probably going to be one of my most ambitious posts but hear me out man…
- Firstly, confidence is seen as this thing that grows within you from pushing your comfort zone all the time.
- Pushing your comfort zone is about becoming comfortable in one certain situation like public speaking.
- This happens by repeatedly doing this one thing until your brain understands that you haven’t died and nothing bad is happening, so you are then comfortable in that certain situation.
- This is the method people have been using for years to develop self-help companies everywhere and profiting. It is a brilliant business plan because it is infinite. It means you can be ‘confident’ in public speaking, but what about approaching women or sales? How can you truly ‘be confident’ if you are not confident in many other areas of life.
I suggest we just remove this silly term called confidence altogether. Instead, let’s just use the word comfort. Comfort has a reachable limit. Once all the things that made you uncomfortable have gone, you cannot become any more comfortable. So when you are comfortable in a certain environment, that means you feel at ease because there are no ‘negativities’ from stopping you from being comfortable in that environment.
Right, so how do we enable you to be comfortable in all walks of life and truly reach this pinnacle paradigm? It is complicated and simple at the same time. You have to remove those negativities to feel comfortable. And there will be fundamental negativities that affect you in multiple areas of life. (Sorry for saying negativities over and over, it is annoying me too). One of the main examples of these negativities (sorry!) are your insecurities.
Our insecurities are developed from the environment, just like our egos. Let’s say people told you that you are ugly – now you believe that you are ugly. Now you can’t talk to girls because you believe you are ugly. Well, this is an insecurity, that once you remove permanently, you will never have holding you back ever again. Therefore, you’ll be more comfortable and feel capable to do whatever it is you want to do.
The way to remove these insecurities is to truly believe that they are irrational. The best way, from my experience, to do this, is to keep questioning why you have a certain insecurity/negativity until you find the source and then as if by magic, once you find the source, the negativity vanishes because you understand where it had come from and you can see why it no longer makes sense as to be a slave to this product of your environment.
Psychiatrists and psychologists help you to do this by peppering you with the right questions until you come to the conclusion yourself, since only you know the source of your insecurities. (I am not a qualified brain-person, so if you ever feel like you are in great need of help, please see a therapist. Be wary of being prescribed drugs though). Also, please do not confuse insecurities with trauma. I will cover trauma in another post, but they are completely different. Trauma is more permanent and is something you have to cope with rather than remove outright.
There are many of these insecurities that plague us all, and I will try to cover as many as I can to help you remove them one by one. Some are more common than others so I will cover those first.
Love you long time x