I keep running out of stuff to say. What do I talk about?

Messaging of any sort kinda f*cked this up for us. MSN, Facebook, texting… the lot. “But it is the social age, it revolutionised communication… twenty-sixteen?!”

Where is the problem? I’ll tell you now…

Filtering. When writing messages, you think about what you say. You have had so much practice  doing this growing up that you do not use your skill to improvise. So, to combat this… you need to be less harsh on yourself and have a less strict filter. This means lowering your own standards of what you are allowed to say.

One piece of advice that has been thrown around a lot but is mostly true is: “It’s not what you say but how you say it”. This means that the more important way of communicating is the body language, facial expression and tone of voice behind the words you use. So for example, if you insult someone verbally, you can tense your lips as a smile to show you are joking. Now, you shouldn’t use that as a crutch (negging), but I am just trying to explain to you that the words do not matter so much. To an extent, obviously. It would be pretty hard to get away with saying “Hey, I really wish I could have sex with my cat, it is so beautiful and it makes me really happy, that isn’t weird is it?”.

The point is that you can pretty much say whatever. If you say something and someone judges you, you can always try to convince them that you are normal, which usually works as you are acknowledging the fact that you said something ‘out there’, demonstrating your social intelligence. Don’t be too apologetic about it though, because then you care too much and you are over-investing into someone you have just met which communicates desperation. You can also have the funniest joke in the world, but if your delivery is poo, it is not a very funny joke.

Another problem is that you are held down by your insecurities and you simply do not feel comfortable with people, due to the fear of them judging you. Try to relax bro. I don’t recommend meditation but I recommend trying to clear your mind in stressful moments.

You may have realised that you can talk for days about pretty much anything when you are around your best friend. So that being said, you really do already have good conversation skills. You have been talking all your life, even if it is in your head. So being free to express yourself in terms of talking is already something you can do, you don’t need to learn it, you just need to become comfortable enough to talk crap.

Talking to girls is not like an interview for a job. You are allowed to f*ck up and most girls do not set standards for what you are allowed to say in the same way that you wouldn’t care really if a girl didn’t make class A comments all the time. A point I have already made is that girls are not looking for someone super ‘special’, it is just that a normal guy is quite hard to find. If there are any of you who just want a down to earth normal girlfriend to chill with, that is exactly what loads of girls want too in a boyfriend.

ta x

 

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