The way we do things in order to communicate is amazing. Using words and muscle contractions and sounds to get information across is one of the most fascinating things to have ever developed. What I am going to talk about in this post is the power of doing nothing. Not in a guru-like Eckhart Tolle way, but in a logical way that hopefully you will understand.
I don’t know how much you interact with animals… But this part of communication with humans is quite similar. It’s about doing absolutely nothing.
When you see a scared cat, if you walk up to it, it will run away out of fear because you are potentially dangerous. If you walk in the opposite direction, nothing will happen. If you try and talk to it, it will probably just get confused and think you are an idiot. However, if you just stay in one spot, and give some sort of signal that you are aware of its presence and you are inviting it, after some time, it will likely come to you and accept your scratches on the head. This is building trust and comfort with the cat. This is showing the cat to the best of your ability that nothing bad is going to happen if it interacts with you and so it has no reason not to interact with you. It takes patience.
Why did I just ramble on about a cat?
Well, the principle of not doing anything applies to connecting with people you see potential with. When you are meeting a girl at the student union and she is initially unsure of you, if you try to chase her, she will feel chased and try to escape. If you play ‘the game’ and show disinterest, she will think you are not interested in her, duh, go figure. But if you just show that you are comfortable, (I will talk about being comfortable in many a post) and stay there with the open invitation, then she has no evidence that you are going to trap her or attack her or anything bad. You are less of a threat in her eyes and you now have more potential to become a companion.
There were a lot of bold words there for a reason. Try to think in terms of negatives. Instead of thinking “I must do all these good things to win her over”, think “I must avoid giving her red flags to avoid ruining the potential”.
Sweet like chocolate x